If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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