I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
