So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
