??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
