I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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