Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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