oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
