Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
