I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
