i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
