dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
