I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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