There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
