I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's blow job season.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
