love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
one might say we're banned from that church
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize