Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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