Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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