it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
