I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
