"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
