Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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