don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
