I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
