Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Mom said you looked used
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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