i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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