I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
