Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
