Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
