so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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