So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
