And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
