There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
