Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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