in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
