my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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