So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize