His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
