u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
