New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
