I'm really into asian looking animals
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
