I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
