ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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