i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
