Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
