its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
