Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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