The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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