when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
