no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
