Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
