God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
