I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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