i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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