Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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