hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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