Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
