also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
