Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
