I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
