Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
