Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
