You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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