well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I smell like Dick and happiness
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
