U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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