D3 body, D1 cock
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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