Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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