I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
