u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
