Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
