Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
