Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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