I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize