i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
