Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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