Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
